it was a month gettin over yesterday .. and to sum it all up here is going to be rather difficult .. but still i wud give it my modest attempt .. comin here really didnt make me nervous at all .. after staying out and away for all these years .. it was just goin to be another trip .. but leaving home and people wasnt meant to be easy either .. soon enuff .. i got started by meeting ppl .. building first impressions .. tryin NOT to redefine myself .. i met people .. really career centric .. really funny .. really hard workin .. really happy .. really calm .. and some really not so good to waste (not worth mentionin .. ) .. but the difference this one time was .. i was impressed and dint hit any peer presure at all .. brother's advise really worked this time .. makes me happy .. then there was step to build a support system .. just the binary ways i choose for myself .. i tried to be systematic .. but that work really as much as i thought it would .. but the fun was after fifteen days .. when i really knowing ppl more and more .. realisin .. how first impressions cud be so wrong at times .. but not to forget my bunch of party buddies .. they have been rock stars .. they keep me kickin on thursdays and fri nites to get me workin on mondays .. what i was expectin was something discrete .. what i got was fun and everythin but anything thats discrete .. now .. i am more in the groove .. have got my resolutions .. a. everyone u meet should not be takin for granted .. b. stay away from some things, no matter how much you dont want to .. c. always tae a little time before you make up your mind about few things ..

~S

in the jungle .. the mighty jungle .. the lion roars tonite .. arghh !!! 3 weeks in school and am knockin on my mid-terms today evenin .. pity .. fin acc is sadistic .. things change too fast in here .. am so tempted that i choose to wrtie this while the class goes on .. gosh !!! .. time to be back to books again .. later

beat me for being abstract and encrypted this one time .. life's getting pretty much same again .. i am happy again .. and as always .. i hope this lasts for ever .. dont think it shall happen .. with turnover events getting stocked away fast enough there are more moments when i just feel glad than plump .. but then .. as i always knew it to be right .. there always a little closet space for some gloom .. and this one time .. the gloom is hitting me as a 'deja vu' in the past few days .. shhhhhhhh .. so far only the random stranger knows about it .. also .. i somehow ending up finding excuses within myself every once in a while to remember moments of my life that i cherish the most ..

its thursday nite .. i am lyin on the couch .. dinner's not yet on the stove .. my neck's almost broken .. have plans to drink my heart out tonite .. smoke some hookah too .. does this reflect enuff of how last few days wud have gone by .. naah .. its been a transforming experience .. something .. that was hectic .. but somewhere deep inside .. i want to relive it again and again .. as if anyone dint know .. the return journey to academia does bear a strong irony along .. its gets you grilled .. pinches you hard .. but still fall in love with a subtle support system and diversity around you ..
the campus is fabulous .. the people are cordial .. frnds back home have been fantastic to support even from a long way .. some i havent been totally in touch with you .. but really hope .. things get better off .. am kindda forming a support system here .. but hope it all woks out fine .. the shape isnt that good here .. thats the only scary part .. :( .. homesickes flies in here and there once in a while too .. but thats mostly subjective .. yeah .. but one thing .. i really think that has happened is .. life .. has moved on .. and so have i .. :) .. hope thats good .. more later ..

I'm broke but I'm happy .. yeah yeah yeahhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

just today .. two strings attached to my life .. would be broken .. and funny .. i am not even sad .. although its mixed emotions certainly ..
Bangalore .. I can here in nervousness .. summed up all my fears and .. threw them out .. i had a charmin time here .. made my best frnds here .. crashed my car .. graduated .. fell in love .. broken my heart once too .. but somehow i dont feel attached to this place at all .. people were always warm to me .. maybe the air wasnt warm enuff ..
Oracle .. during the last four years i took this brand with me everywhere and to everyone .. i simply adore my four years at Oracle as much as i hated myself at times for yearning stability so early in my career .. my years here taught me soo much .. first jobs are wonderful .. and when the first jobs goes on for this long .. it is rather special .. I had a wonderful farewell from folks at office .. i wud have almost cried had i been moving to a new job .. but then .. since the reason was academia .. things seemed a little different .. even to me ..
so ladies and gentlemen .. here i break free .. away from bangalore .. and away from Oracle .. i solemnly agree .. I am Jobless finally .. and this one time around .. it feels fantastic !!!!

Its magical even today ..

There was three things me and the pony-tail always meant to do .. throughout the four yrs of college .. beat the fagger for abusin us that night .. beat the fagger for callin us 'kids' that night .. and finally .. beat the fagger for the strong reception he orchastrated for all three of us in the ragin raggin playground for the next one year .. none of the three things we were ever able to do .. somethin or someone always got in the middle .. but tommorow .. it was our time for vengeance .. oh please .. we have all grown ups .. it was a weddin i was travellin to .. and the violence .. would just meant be a another painful feature in-between the celebrations ..
Just as I wrapped up my thoughts about the first day at college .. i was only glad .. after four good years of college .. we shall be back again .. could there be anythin left in the world .. that was ever more crazy than the craziest things we had done .. if there was .. better strike atleast one of us tonite .. so that we dont run short of time later .. and then i went dreamin with my eyes closed ..
As mornin came .. and i made my way to the hotel .. the fagger .. ironically met him at the cigarette shop outside the hotel where we put up .. was hugs and hand-slaps and happiness and blood-gush .. and then a huge amount of laffin .. the pony-tail .. naah .. not anymore .. the brace-man .. cant call him that either .. the fun-master was loiterin around his fiance .. just like he did around almost every other gurl everywhere but in college .. hehe .. but jokes apart .. this time it was different .. it was one more round of hugs .. hand-slaps .. happiness .. blood-gush .. and laffs .. it was overwhelming .. i dare not write more about how the initial few moments went by .. meetin after four long yrs .. specially .. after having fought terribly on grad day (lets save that story for a windy day) .. i would just say .. each one hid there emotions .. acted grown up .. acted matured .. acted as if its just a glad and happy feelin being back together .. but this time by night that day .. johnie bro not only did the walkin but eased us the talkin too :))
Its worthwhile mentionin now .. I was meetin my past at the weddin of this frnd .. who was incidently more closes to the fagger and the fun-master than me .. but .. what the hell .. it was a special occassion for all of us .. by afternoon we were already drinkin and dancin to punjabi numbers even when the ceremony demanded none .. by early evenin .. spirits had even got dense .. and it was time to once again hang around charmin women .. by night .. the spirits were the darkest .. and on the rocks too .. it was time to beat the dance-floor red .. we were basically lingerin in the phase just before we were goin to observe living invisibility .. by the time we got to one of the farm houses .. emotions were brimmin to be layed out .. and we laffed to old times .. to good times and to sad times :) .. it was nice ..
And once again it was mornin .. more dancing for a mile .. more dancing for a while .. but was a lil different again .. we were grown-ups again .. not even a slightest flare in any of us .. how we were close to old times just few hours back .. it was time for me to leave soon .. had to ride the track .. we bid bubyes .. once again .. there were hugs and hand-slaps and happiness and blood-gush .. but no laffin this time around .. just quiet promises though .. that the magic should never end .. and yeah .. why shud it .... it was indeed so secure .. it was indeed not strange at all .. it was indeed so beautiful ..
Just for the record .. even today .. me and fun-master owe the fagger three beatings .. strangely nothin or noone came in the middle this time .. but even then we somehow saved it .. perhaps in hope .. that would be one good excuse for us to cross roads again ..

its indeed good to leave things incomplete at times ..
~S

Just when and where it all began ..

As the rail travelled past the feilds .. i was travellin back in time even faster .. i couldnt help rememberin my first day at the engineering college .. the torment i have been goin through days before i left home .. the farewell party .. fruit champagne on the pitch dark victoria turf .. last hugs .. last goodbyes .. frnds puttin up the night before .. me and all dear ones crashin into tears before i took off .. was glad by the evenin though .. that new things were just about to begin .. as i entered the college and got towards my room .. '59' .. yeah that was it .. it was locked .. said .. 'painting in progress' .. 'temporary room allocated' .. '4th yr hostel .. D-4' .. for starters .. thats one of the most frightenin signs in the world of freshers of an engineering college .. worse than 'dead end' even when zippin at three digits .. the sign practically meant .. 'ur holes been already dug in the forth yr hostel .. tombstone no - D-4' .. but as helpless as i was .. i did go to the graveyard .. soon i settled in .. swtiched 'off' the lights .. and slowly and silenty started to unpack my bare-minimum livin supplies .. i used to be mostly sure about most of the things even then .. i knew it .. either i wudnt be in that seniors playground for long .. or else .. i wudnt need any of my stuff at all .. soon someone knocked at the door .. not openin it .. was no option at all .. so i slightly dishevelled my hair .. dont ask me why .. surely some impulsive brillant stunt .. and opened it slightly .. and there i cud see .. a pony tailed 'dude' .. braces filled jaws .. which opened wide .. and asked .. 'buddy .. cud i borrrow come cds .. i left my pack at home' .. i was 'naah' .. not at all .. this boy could never be in the fourth year at all .. hes a fresher like me .. but what the hell was he doin .. askin for music .. preparin his own funeral record .. what a fetish .. i knew it then .. i gotta stay out of this kid .. hes a stupid fool .. tried to shuu him away .. and left right away for dinner .. cudnt ask for things to get better .. the pair of braces was more than happy to give me company and guard me against any trouble comin .. yeah .. like i needed anythin more .. wasnt having him enuff .. however that was i think the last time .. i ever hated the guy .. he was soon to become the 'first' of the 'three stooges' .. but as i walked in the drizzle .. past the baski stadium .. and then through the architechture dept .. lightenin stuck .. 'the second yrs dine with the freshers all the time' .. whattttt !!!! ... and i had a jerk in my back-pack while i am goin to face the most respectable loafers .. who are goin to break havoc and play beserk on the first chance they are gettin to boss around me .. i really knew it somehow .. they have been waitin for me .. i will be the chosen one .. i will be picked and dipped in the most slumber state of embarassment and then my not-so-funny raggin stories would be dragged around the campus .. everyone enjoyin a sip out of it .. my first step in the mess .. and a respectable smart ass pounces .. 'whats my name' .. and i knew the importance of watchin news and reading newspapers right-away .. how the hell was i supposed to know what was he called .. neither did he invent the light-bulb that was glowing above .. nor was he the rockstar whose music my 'compatriot in this war' had forgotten back at home .. and we both went .. 'mmmmmm' .. and more .. 'mmmmmmmmmmmmm' .. and there came the floods .. even the most distant family we had .. were lashed in front of us .. with added adjectives, adverbs and verbs .. and we are asked to go to this guy .. who was smokin outside the mess .. to find out the abusive poets name .. wait a sec .. dint i say smokin outside the mess .. that technically means .. hes smokin inside the college .. ahem ahem .. we were smart to figure out .. hes gotta be some big-shot .. someone so big .. that even the slight drizzle dint put his cig flares out .. someone whom even gods worship with a slight downpour whenever he smoked .. someone who cud dare to smoke in the campus .. and we went mumbling to him .. he was as smart as us too .. he figured out that we were freshers .. and he began to rhyme our family trees again .. and said .. 'i like u kids' .. the relief .. the happiness .. not too many times does one experience anythin that matches that measure .. and he walked us to the guy who had-not-invented-the-light-bulb .. it was time for the big boys to do the talkin .. godfather started off .. 'whats your problem .. why are you botherin these guys' .. the not-so-rockstar replied 'who are you to ask me that' .. boy o boy .. we knew it .. this dude is dead .. such arrogance in front of re-incarnated-smokin-caeser.. 'am a first year' .. what !!! .. wait !!! .. did we need that .. why the hell did he have to drag my .. oops .. our asses in the line of fire and light it up with his own fag .. with all the supervisions in the campus .. the only response to the first yr thingie was .. 'see you guys in the campus' .. typically the tone had already set it clear for us .. it shall be a fantastic yr ahead .. the fagger needed real good help .. (we indeed did help him in being the second of the three stooges) .. but then thats later .. the three of us needed help first .. and thats when it had all begun .. thats where the three stooges kicked off ..

cheers to co-incidence tonite ..
~S

PS : any guesses whos the third stooge ??

Who doesnt need a 'Tiny Dancer' !!!!

Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Blue jean baby
L.A. lady
seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed
pirate smile
you'll marry a music man
Ballerina
you must have seen her
dancing in the sand
And now she's in me
always with me
tiny dancer in my hand
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today